TO THE EDITOR: THE NORTHFIELD NEWS ARECURRENT SUBJECT dominating the news landscape is the exposure of ongoing failures in relationships, high profile affairs, womanizing and sexual addictions. The super star professional golfer, Tiger Woods, is our latest obsession. Let’s get real! Powerful, famous, wealthy men are driven by the seduction of celebrity and the easy execution of prerogative in indulging their wildest fantasies due to their station in society. Most of the folks who make up the masses are trapped in lives of “quiet desperation” and find themselves drawn into a collective voyeurism, the result of which is the opportunity to voice a superficial outrage and to pass judgment on the very celebrities they admire. There may be a double standard here, especially among men who are sports enthusiasts and are in awe of Tiger’s incredible athletic talent, a talent which has propelled him into Super Stud status with the exposure of his Olympic record dalliances. People always seem outraged and puzzled by marital infidelities but why? Boys Will Be Boys and here’s why we always will be:

1. Celebrity- Sports stars, airline pilots, business executives, political figures and military heroes all attract a crowd of admirers. As a young man, I chose three from this group to lock in my steady stream of admirers. Some of my former basketball teammates who went on to NBA and pro football careers shared their “bar stories” about the ubiquitous flocks of groupies outside the locker room doors, eagerly waiting to clank some eyelashes and show off the freshly purchased red mini-skirts with knee high leather boots in the hopes of being invited to the after game parties. Talk about a book…As a former airline pilot logging thousands of layover hours in fancy hotel lounges, I routinely amused myself witnessing the atmospheric decorations of cuti-pies strategically placed for egos on the prowl in need of refreshment. The scene was often a veritable “meat market” as the pilots dubbed it. I recall the whimsical exhortations of the old Eastern Airlines captains to us junior pilots, “go ugly early.” Yeah, sad but true and chauvinistic.

2. Opportunity- Successful men (and women) with discretionary incomes are frequently on the road. Again, traveling salesmen, airline pilots, athletes, business executives and flesh pressing politicians by virtue of “getting away,” as a natural course of professional routine, have the carrot of secret escapades to tempt them. Examine the number of story lines in the movies and television that promote romance fantasy in exotic places: Spring Break, Sex in the City and Girls Gone Wild. I once viewed a made for TV special with a suspenseful story line of a bigamist airline captain with wives in two cities. Sporty! For those of us in the airline business the scenario had an air of plausibility given the occasional lines of flying with five and six day trips proportioned with equal days off. Men are conditioned by societal influences to seek out female attention. What is the saying, “When the cat’s away, the mice will play.” The option for temporary escape from routine ushers in a temptation to explore the fantasy waiting under the disguise of anonymity. Airline and military service afforded me frequent escapes from routine. A mischievous nature, and lack of supervision, was often a formula for drama.

3. Ego Reinforcement - The popular morning ABC show, The DR’S, recently broached the subject of Why Men Cheat. So-called experts on the show stated that men are biologically predisposed to seek mating opportunities and even more so with elevation of ego and societal stature. That might explain the patterns of President Bill Clinton, John Edwards and South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. Other relationship therapists on the show suggested that women are predisposed to seek out “Alpha Males,” who are dominant, powerful and successful at what they do. When these two motives are joined, affairs happen. Being an airline pilot was a fantasy profession. When attractive women entice men, many don’t resist, unless slowed by age. Most of my life I struggled with subconscious fears of sexual inferiority and sought to conquer it through choosing a macho profession that afforded abundant opportunity for ego reinforcement through sexual conquest. This is an issue you can’t get most men to talk about but I submit that it is a prime mover in many aspects of our society. Lastly, illicit sexual gratification is often sought to reinforce the aphrodisiac of domination and control. Other than wealth, it’s the other great Power Trip. This could be at the root of Tiger’s debacle. But I am not a qualified shrink.

4. Societal Approval- In the old days, airline pilots (with smooth manners) could often choose whom to charm among the flight attendant crew members who volunteered to be wined and dined. The advent of Women’s Lib reduced the pool of layover playmates but committed pilot players, or those disenchanted with home life, still had fertile playgrounds for fun in the blue. I flew with many pilots who found wives among the flight attendants and gate agents. Familiarity may sometimes breed a bond. The grapevine stories are replete with hospital gossip about doctors chasing nurses around the operating room table; a few nurses found marriage partners during the chase. Within the military, superior ranking officers often surrendered to the temptation of cavorting with their perfumed subordinates. During my combat tour in Vietnam, I recall the colonels elbowing the junior officers out of the way at the bars to get first dibs on charming the nurses. During remote tours into combat zones, female soldiers find a delightful bump in their popularity. I chose to be a fighter pilot to “look good” and be part of that fighter pilot mystique that seeks maximum machismo for its reinforcement, the ultimate jock who gets glorified in films like “Top Gun,” “Officer and a Gentleman and “Iron Eagle.” It spawns a culture with an expectation of romance as the reward from the chase. All the above occupational hazards were part of the cultural benefit of professional access, publicly frowned upon, but tacitly endorsed, especially in the male dominated work environments. It was a glorious fantasy, living the life about which others could only fantasize, which is the source of the double standard and all the hoopla about Tiger’s transgressions.

In the final analysis, Tiger Woods is just a Man being a Man, a rich man. He just happens to be potentially the greatest golfer the world has known but being the husband of cute Norwegian wife and father of two adorable children, he has punched a big hole in his Good Ship Loli-pop. Society and its mouth piece, the media, sit in judgment but struggle with a double standard on the morality issue. The national attention that has been magnetized to the Tiger Woods’ family ordeal, with the accompanying “shock and awe” of the prolific philandering, goes in sharp contrast to the themes on so much of what sells on our television and movie screens. You name it, it is there- a culture of support for liberated sexual expression and cheating, ie “Desperate House Wives,” Young and the Restless, and Private Practice, etc. Quietly, there are many men (and women) who privately envy and high five Tiger for having been afforded the luxury of indulging his fantasies in spades. The hypnosis and invincibility of ego drove him to blow it. Access promotes overindulgence which promotes sloppiness. His challenge now is how to deal with paying the cost of exposure and disruption to his private, star quality life as society with its double standard looks on curiously. I know; I blew it also.

BRIAN SETTLES

Randolph