SELECTMENTALLY DISABLED – Greetings, all of you readerly-type persons, where your hard-workingly Miss Gutthwacker is busy backstoopwise at the Mayonnaise Building collecting up all the informationable news and gossip in this truly amazementmaking town. My GOODNESS, our heretoforable life in that VERY important capitaltype city, Mountpeculiar, did NOT get us ready, preparation wise, for all of the dullskuggery that goes on here, what with the three Selectmentals getting arrested by Attorney-Generable Wee Willie Scarewell and going off in a jail-type direction, chaingangwise. We thought it was really sweetly, what all of you residential kinds of local persons was doing when the Selectmentals shuffled out of town, tossing them food to take to the jail, on account of they would of not got much, especially of the fruits and vegetabelarian kind, only it did seem kind of too bad that so much of it hitted them so splatteringly, but at leastways they could of lick off the soft stuff from their uniforms.

BUT – as three of the five selectmentals have gone byebye in that pokeywise direction, maybe not to be never heard of again for the time they are in stir, how EVER will this blighted little burg get along functionably without them? We know there are two more very mental-type selectamens (maybe not quite as mental as the Big Three, but closely getting there), but nobody has seen them, hidenor hairwise, since Wee Willie drove into town with his handcuffs, so they are prolly waiting it out in a chicken coop somewheres until the storm blows down. Naturably enough, SOME people think it is a goodly thing not to have no selectmentals, on account of whoever is left to run things could of not done no worse, if you get my drift, meaningwise. But, on the otherly hand,

how could they of mess things up so bad that a good manager would not of being able to manage just as good without them? Well, as that old saying goes, “Poke, poke, blink, blink, know what I mean?”

SELECTMENTALS SEND LAWYERLY-TYPE LETTER – Our unimponderable sourcetype person got your own dear Miss Gutthwacker a copy of the letter-type communicationable device what was sent by the selectmentals to the Attorney-Generable in answer to his very rude letter to them saying they was impersonating public officials without a license, which is why he arrested them. But the selectmentals got their lawyer, George Washington Wingnut, to write a letter and say that they was not impersonable at all, that they were real, livetype selectmentals, and that they could of not possibly of done all that bad stuff he said, on account of they didn’t know what they was doing, but even if they had of, they would of not done it purposably, and even though they didn’t do nothing wrong, they are sorry they did it and promise they will not do it again, even though they didn’t in he first place. Yes, gently-reading persons of this columnar material, we think THAT should of be enough to make Mister Highly- Mighty Attorney-Generable Scarewell to be thinking twice before he goes arresting any more persons in THIS town without goodly reasons!

TRUSTEERIAL MEMBER WANTS TO BE MENTAL, TOO - When our selectmentals went on teevee and won their dunce hat, one of the Village Trusteerials was there, too, just in case one of the selectmentals keeled over dead or got a toothache and couldn’t of played, only they didn’t, so he didn’t, but he thinks he should of got to keep the golden dunce cap on account of the selectmentals can’t be wearing it while they are out of circulation, hoosegowwise. Howsomever, First Selectmental Snowjob hided the golden cone when he saw the handcuffs come out, and he didn’t tell nobody nothing, not even Trusteerial person Merkin, who is pretty sure he is the most mental of all of the ones holding office, even smarter brainwise than the three selectmentals. So, what he done is to of got Attorney Wingnut to change the names of the Village trusteerials to the Village Trustamentals so they could all be as mental as the selectmentals. Just another astonishably smart official-type person doing the business to the public; pretty smart, huh?