BOB ON TAIL OF SELECTMENTALS – Well, dear weekly reader-type persons, you will of remember what we was saying last week, about Bob, the bob-tail feline-type animal of Chief Nylon, who chase the three selectmentals on account of Grandly Jurrier Smedley Hackham were wanting to arrest them for high crimes and low comedy. Well, we gots news to tell you, only it sort of good news and bad news, like they say, if you know what we mean. If you would of be one of the three people in town who think these poor selectmentals is being prostituted enough, legal-wise, then you would of say the news is of the goodly-type, on account of they did not get catched, but if you was of the opiniontype belief, like most peoples in this burg, they the selectmentals was getting what they deserve, then it would of be not-good news, on account they did not get catched, but other-handwise, the posse is still chasing them, so it not all bad, neither, if you get my drift.

See, what happen was, was them selectmentals, on account of they did not want to get catched by Grandly Jurrier Hackham who would of put them in the stocks in front of the Mayonnaise Building for a few days, figure they gots to do something to throw old Bob off the scent, him being such a good rat-catcher and all that finding three selectmentals being a walk in the park and such. So, what do they do? They being really mental, you know, they catch a skunk and spray theyselfs with it so they going to be hard to find, then they climbs up into the top of a tree and hide. When Bob the sniffer-type cat get to where they used to been, he catch a sniff of skunk and go in a opposite-wise direction from where them selectmentals is up a tree, so the Grandly Jurrier is not getting them catched THIS week. But he not get all discourage, you know, just say he maybe not as fast as lightning, but he last longer.

To be continue next week, unless they gets catched before!

COACH NAUGAHYDE BE HOLDING AUDITIONS – Coach Naugahyde, what is in charge of the football-type players up to the Dog River Academy for Wayward Boys (when he not running through the woods looking for stinky selectmentals, that is!), say he is going to hold auditions pretty soon in the near-type future on account of he is thinking he need to get a new a pet. Our unimpeccable type source tell us he go to the Chief Crumb, Mister Wasabi, on account of he thinking about something nice what live in the water, like a wallet-size pike (leastways we THINK that is what these fishes is call, not being too up on this kind of thing), so he would of not have to take it for walks everyday, but the Chief Crumb say, wallet-size pike is out of season, so you better find something else. You see, Coach Naugahyde feel pretty bad on account of his former pettype animal, a salamander what he call Newt, got eat up by the monitor lizard what live next door (and we are not meaning Trustamental-type person Tarassis Merkin!), when Coach have Newt out for a walk one day – Snap! Snap! and poor Newt go down the gullet and Coach Naugahyde not even got a body to bury in the backyard. So, the Coach axt Chief Nylon what he think, Chief say, get a cat, cats is the best, lookit Bob, also Flash, down to the firehouse, but Coach say, not for me, a cat is got too much independent type attitude, we know because we had a cougar one time, and that did not work out too good. Chief Nylon get all kind of disgusted and say, you want something dumb, get a sheep, but Coach say, no, he don’t got time to shear one, weave it, make wool, so on and so forth, maybe a dog? Well, Chief say, a dog is better than a wallet-size pike, but get a smart one, like a bulldog, not something really stoopid, like a miniature apricot poodle. WHOA, Coach say, rearing up on his hinder-legs, even though you are my friend and role-model type person, you can not say nothing bad about miniature apricot poodles on account of they is the Official Mascot of the Dog River Academy for Wayward Boys, and I gots to feed and water the forty-dog hitch what we use to pull the ceremonialtype chariot. So the Chief apologize for hurting Coach’s feelings and they shake hands and go to Mother McGillicuddy’s Watering Hole & Attitude Adjustment Establishment for further discussion. We will let you know how it turn out!

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